Itt vagyok Szoboszloban!

(Here I am in Szoboszlo!)

It's been 11 days since I arrived in Szoboszlo and I've successfully made it through the first week of school. One of the first things I learned about my new town (first hand, I read plenty on the internet before arriving) was that, in the area, people refer to the towns by their shortened names ie. Szoboslo vs Hajduszoboszlo or Boszormeny vs. Hajduboszormeny. My contact teacher's husband told me this as we drove across the country from Budapest to Szoboszlo. It was helpful to know because a few days later an older lady at the market used the short form and I knew what she was saying.

Life here is very different from Budapest. While things in BP are slower in general than in the US, life is even more relaxed here. I suppose part of that  is due to the size of the town (~20,000) and the lack of exciting things going on, but it is a pleasant atmosphere. I haven't done much yet besides walk around some, discover a fantastic ice cream place, go to Tesco and Aldi, attend the local Catholic Church, and, of course, teach. Hungarospa, the largest spa in Europe, is only a short walk from my apartment but I haven't been yet. Once my insurance card is processed I'll get a discount on massages so I will definitely be making a visit.

School is going alright. So far I have met 16 of my 21 classes and will meet the other 5 on Monday. It's overwhelming trying to get to know 400+ kids (plus the teachers) but I'm doing my best. The level of English that the kids are using has surprised me because I thought they would be more advanced. Even through all the many problems I faced with the foundation, I cannot overstate how amazing the philosophy is and how much English the kids actually know and are able to use. Many of the teaching supplies and books which I brought from the US will be hard to use with these students compared to those in the foundation.

The other CETP teacher in town, Alli, and I have gotten together a few times and it is so nice having another native speaker so close. We are discovering how much we have in common (two girls of Hungarian heritage, both from Ohio, now working at bilingual primary schools in Szoboszlo) perhaps most notably that we have both spent some time in Hungary before so this is not completely new for either of us.

My flat is amazing. Not being able to chose it for myself was one of my biggest worries about coming but it has not disappointed at all. I am on the main street, near the market, shops, churches, and only a 5 minute walk from my school. The flat itself is great as well - I have a separated living room, bedroom, kitchen, and entryway. The kitchen has a stove/oven, fridge, and microwave. I even have a bathtub/shower which has a curtain after I asked my landlady for a curtain rod. There is plenty of storage space (so I really have no excuse for not being fully unpacked), internet (with a cord that reaches to the sofa so I am not confined to the desk!), a sofa-bed (visit meee!!!), and a balcony -- with a SCREEN door (almost unheard of in Hungary). Suffice it to say, I would have been thrilled to choose this apartment for myself.

In my spare time (which is so much more than when I lived in Budapest - advantages of a 5 minute walk over an hour commute!), I've been watching tv. One of my 40-something channels is TLC. Toddlers and tiaras and Jon and Kate Plus 8 are even more ridiculous when dubbed into Hungarian. I also try to watch a show in the evenings on one of the Hungarian channels. It's a docudrama called "In the Shadow of Suspicion" and has really interesting real-life scenarios like a white woman trying to convince her white husband that she did not cheat on him (which she didn't) after giving birth to a black baby or a teen arrested for a murder he did not commit. Then the show goes about finding the real story.  I find that I don't understand everything but enough to get most of the story.

Except for a quick trip to the immigration office, I haven't been to Debrecen yet. I will probably go next Sunday when the English Mass starts up again for the semester. I am definitely hoping to meet people through that as I haven't made many friends here yet.

One of my current projects is deciding which VPN (or similar) service to purchase so I can watch Downton Abbey when it starts on the 16th (in Britain). After seeing the latest, full-length trailers (Sybil and Branson FTW!!), I really cannot wait for the new season to start!!

I am not abandoning this blog and I do promise to write more often. I spent a while this morning reading through old journal entries and stories I've started and realized how much I need to get back into writing. As some of you know, I started a book this winter (a memoir of crazy college stories) and I want to continue working on it. I am beginning to explore the possibility of some online writing courses to further develop my writing skills. It's funny to remember how much I thought I hated writing when I have always been so creative and loved telling stories. My biggest task is learning how to effectively translate my knack for story telling onto a written page. College seems to be a good place to start since so many crazy things happened in my four years. All names and places will be changed, of course, to protect the "innocent, awkward, irritating, and/or guilty" but I cannot let more time pass without setting down my memories. Whether or not it gets published will be up to fate but I want to do my part in at least writing it.

As always, I would love to hear from you! Thoughts, comments, rotten tomatoes, etc are all welcome in the comments and if you want my address to write me a letter just drop me a note asking for it. I LOVE mail and will do my utmost to return the favor.

See new blog title :-)

As you can see, I've got big plans for next year!

As of today, I have officially submitted my application for the Central European Teaching Program and, baring any unexpected disaster, will be teaching ESL in Hungary starting in the Fall. I am thrilled to be going home and so thankful that CETP is providing the way for me to get there. My placement isn't definite but I am most likely going to be working at a bilingual elementary school in a small city (~25,000) called Hajdúszoboszló in Eastern Hungary near Debrecen (the second largest city in Hungary). After such a rough few months, it is hard to express just how happy I am to have a direction and something to work towards again. As I get more information, I will continue to share it but for right now, my plan is to arrive in Hungary between August 13 and 20, bum around in BP for a week or so before CETP orientation starts on August 23rd, then head east to begin teaching.

I could do that... really, I could

That's my most frequent feeling when I read through job postings these days. Because I honestly feel that I would be able to do many of the jobs I see listed. Retail, food service, administrative assistant, secretary, etc. the list could go on. But, I have no proof that I can do any of those things. Looking at my resume, people have no reason to believe I'm capable of much more than teaching working with costumes (and my ability to do one of those is shady at best).

No one wants you unless you've got the experience.
And how do you get the experience without a job?!
It's a vicious cycle.

And, what makes it worse, is I feel like I have no direction. This afternoon, it hit me that I have no idea of where I would like to be in 5, 10, 25 years. None. Frankly, what I'd like to be doing is singing, but that's a slow process at best and a pipe dream at worst. Because, again:

You have to have the experience to apply for graduate school and young artist programs.
And how do you get that experience outside of graduate school or young artist programs?!
Yet another vicious cycle.

Just a quiet Saturday night in

Now that things have calmed down somewhat, I need to get back to updating my blog. I've finally moved back to Gbg. No car yet, but I'm borrowing one of my parents' for now.

I've got a job! It's only temporary and part-time but it's something and I love it. I'm back in the costume shop at SHU, which means I'm technically on staff at my alma mater.

WEIRD.

I have a staff email.

WEIRDER.

My name shows up in the staff directory ... with the awful picture from my freshman year student ID.

WEIRDEST.

I'm back in the lovely Victorian house where I lived my senior year in school. It's quite a funny example of mi casa es su casa because after I rented the place my senior year, my good friend, Caitlyn, started renting it. Now, we are renting together. So.. my house is literally her house and now OUR house.

The car search isn't going too well. I've started a novena to St. Jude and hopefully he will intercede for me because heaven knows I need all the help I can get.

Leaving

Since I've "officially" announced this everywhere else and passive-aggressively alluded to it on my blog, it's time that I let the world know what's going on in my life.

I quit my job.

And am moving back to the US.

Next week.

I don't feel like going into all the nasty details but suffice it to say working here has become a danger to my mental health thanks to a variety of people and their actions. As I mentioned before, I am truly heartbroken to be leaving Budapest. I feel as though I am being forced to breakup with someone that I deeply love because of circumstances far beyond our control. I know that I will be back but, in some ways, that makes it worse. Leaving just seems so futile. However, I know that this is the only decision I could make at the moment.

One of the most telling things that this decision was the right one is how violently my employers have reacted. It reminds me of breaking up with my ex this summer. There were things that bothered me enough to the point where I realized that I had to end the relationship (or in this case, job). But it was when I actually ended it (or turned in my letters of resignation) that things REALLY went sour. Anyway.... more on that (maybe) when I leave the country. Suffice it to say, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am better off not working for this organization.

I've gotten a lot of comfort from music lately and want to share a few songs which have really "spoken" to me.

1. "Moving On" by Sixpence None the Richer (I couldn't find a recording on youtube)
It has gotten to my head. Permeates the path I tread.
But I tread, I'm moving on in a new and happy song.
I can sing about the night, how my tunnel without light
Led me to the other side where the sky is blue.

It's all I can do to not let them ruin me.
I will not let them ruin me.
I will not let them ruin me again.

This song reminds me of the saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." That's why I'm leaving -- so it doesn't get to the "fool me twice" stage.

2. "You Can Still Be Free" by Savage Garden
No regrets or promises
The past is gone
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
Time now to spread your wings
To take to flight
The life endeavor
Aim for the burning sun
You're trapped inside
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
But it's a long long way to go

In the middle of my struggle with my decision, this song came up on my ipod one day on the way home from work. As I listened, it moved me to tears. That was one of the first moments that I knew what I needed to do. Yes, I can't change what's happened and it will be a long way to go, but in the end, I will be free.

3. "Find Your Wings" by Mark Harris
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

The same day that "You Can Still Be Free" spoke to me, this song did as well. At this point, my parents weren't completely on board with my decision. I'm very different from my parents in some ways and one of those is that I am much more open about feelings and emotions. This song has always seemed to be what I think (and hope) my parents would say to me if they talked about things like this. Also, the line about needing to reach for the sky is so key... if you're just existing that's not much of a life.

4. "Kell meg egy szo" by Dolhai Attila (you know I had to include at least ONE song by him)
Nézz rám, s ne ígérj,
nézz rám, sose félj!
Ha nincs hely, ahol élj,
indulj haza felé!
(ROUGH translation -- courtesy of google)

I love, love, love this song. But the last line is especially perfect for this situation. "If you can't find a place to live, turn towards home." (That's my rough translation) It reminds me of what Deb keeps telling me: "don't postpone living." While living in Budapest has always been my dream, this work mess is turning that into a nightmare. It's time to wake up from that nightmare and get back to living!

*** NOTE ***
Not everyone at work has been causing me problems. I have made some good friends who I will miss a ton. Also, I love my kids. They made the decision excruciating because I have formed such an attachment to them. In the end, however, if this job is beating me down to less than my best then I am not capable of giving them what they deserve.

So much to say and no idea how to say it

HUGE changes going on in my life right now.

I'm at peace with the decision I've made but I'm absolutely heartbroken by the side effects. Last night was the first night I cried myself to sleep (I've got the headache this morning to show for it) and I'm sure it will not be the last. Since I am trying to respect (although I don't feel it deserves that!) this ridiculous "adult time-out" which has been imposed upon me, I can't say exactly what's happening. Most of my close friends know and if you don't feel free to shoot me an email... not guaranteeing that I will respond right away, but it can't hurt to try. All I can say is if anyone thinks I'm the least bit happy then they must have met me about 10 years ago and haven't seen me since.

(Yes, I do plan to finish blogging about WYD (and the Miss Saigon production that I saw the other day) ... so sorry for the delay, this problem has been eating away at me and I'm too mentally and emotionally exhausted to deal with much more at the moment)

Prayers appreciated

Just a quick note with two rather important prayer requests regarding Madrid...

1. I checked on my registration this evening and it still has the payment pending... that's worrisome for two reasons - first, the fact that I've already bought my plane ticket and the second, while they are still taking registrations, as of this evening, you can't request accommodation anymore. I'm praying that it goes through and that I have a place to stay because sleeping on the streets of Madrid for a week is a little to exciting for me!

2. I had saved next week to finish all of my summer work which still needs a good bit of work. Now, I'll be scrambling to get it done in the next few days before I leave. I've procrastinated quite a bit because it's hard to be motivated after an experience like this.

Besides these worries (just a chance to trust God, right?) I'm super excited for Madrid!!

6 Days!!

What I did this summer (Part 1)

What a summer.... seriously.

From the very first day of summer (well, actually the second: June 22), things have just gone from strange to stranger. Good, bad, ugly... I've had it all. And the summer isn't even close to being over. Oy vej!! I'll try to recap the major points (can't call the all "highlights" cause some of them are definitely low points) without getting into all the gory details.

Summer camp with the Upper School kids.

The good: Spending time with the kids. I feel that I finally formed more of a relationship with some of them. Unfortunately, that is largely due to the principle of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." Also, my friend Anna, was at camp too which made it somewhat more bearable.
The bad: Camp was horribly unorganized. I didn't know what was going on half of the time which meant I was pretty ineffective as a teacher. This was exacerbated by:
The UGLY: A particular person in a position of authority abused his position and made camp nearly unbearable for myself, Anna, and the children. It was nasty. In all honesty, the fact I did not quit my job on the spot was largely due to having no money on my phone thus rendering it impossible to call a cab.

Two of the girls caving

5a boys

My feelings after only HALF of the 6+km hike (it was actually more like bushwhacking)

Anna and I roasting marshmallow-like objects. Note the looks of absolute joy on our faces.

Did you know that pancakes are an essential part of an American BBQ?
Neither did I.


Regardless, Anna makes a mean pancake! Some of the Year 7 kids by the campfire

Year 7 kids after the "dance off"

Year 5 and 6 kids during the "dance off"

I documented the feelings of all the kids and some of the staff at camp after all the crap that happened. Here are some of the best pictures --




And... my personal favorite:

(I am not OBJECTIVELY opposed to jackasses at camp:
this one was actually quite cute!)

Last Day of School

What's better than the last day of school?

Getting out of the school at 9:30am and getting ice cream with friends before 10am.

That's exactly what happened today. Because information is at such a premium in my job, I didn't know anything about work today. Usually on Wednesdays I would have to come in for class at 9 or office hour at 10 depending on the week. Since I hadn't heard anything, I figured I should probably show up around 8 (time school starts) just in case there was something I needed to do. There wasn't. So I spent my last day at school (this year) drinking hot chocolate with Cassie and talking about flat hunting followed with some quality time on Facebook and reading blogs. Finally, around 9:30 we decided to skedaddle along with another friend, Deb.

Needing a victory treat, we stopped by Daubner - home of the world's best ice cream - on the way back from work and spent time just talking about the year and our plans for next year (Deb is leaving us for the American school :( although she will still be in Budapest :) I'll still be with this program but it's not certain where, Cassie will be teaching at one of the other schools). A really nice low-key way to end the school year.

Now, on to the rest of the next 2 weeks... I don't work tomorrow but I have a voice lesson :-D so excited! Friday, I'm at the kindy. Saturday is free. Sunday to Tuesday I'll be at camp with the upper school kids. I'm traveling to Prague via overnight bus on Tuesday for the Prague Quadrennial - an international theater convention - and then back on the overnight bus Thursday just in time for my last day at the kindy next Friday. Then, I've got Saturday to finish packing, cleaning, tying up any lose ends in Budapest before I peace out for a month. Sunday (June 26th) I fly home via Dusseldorf and Toronto. That leaves me with a few days to 1. get over jet-lag, 2. attempt to clean/somewhat organize the 'rents' house, and (probably most of all :-P) 3. run around like a headless chicken before a friend comes to visit for the weekend of the 4th.

With all that going on, I'm just hoping I end up in the right place at the right time and I remember to pack everything I need for each trip!

My week...

1. Got the "new" date for my wedding... I told 6a that I couldn't get married last Sunday because I didn't know where and what time. Of course, I'm not going to the school tonight at midnight (or was it this morning at midnight? They didn't say.) So, I still won't be married when Tuesday comes around again.

2. Vocabulary lessons looking over some 6a projects:

Doubt: when someone(1) founds someone (2) and it lives at someone(2) it helps it as it child. (I think they were looking for "adopt")
Longing: when something gets longer
Fancies: little fances (in Hungarian, this would be the logical guess)
Purr: The sound of a gun OR when a cat bit you, a little bit

3. I dislike conflict. There was some miss-communication at work, and I almost ended up not being able to go home next week. Thankfully, it's all sorted out and...

4. I'm going home (well to Toronto for my grandma's funeral in NY) in 5 days!! Not happy for the reason but really excited to be going!

5. I saw Bank ban last night at the opera. It was good. I wasn't blown away, but it wasn't as disappointing as Vespers was in January. Acting-wise, my favorite character was Tiborc, a peasant friend/helper of Bank's. He was really into his character and had more idiosyncrasies that made him believable. Melinda and Bank sounded great (especially their scene together in Act II where - in a nutshell - he curses their son, she begs him not to, and he relents). I felt Melinda could have been a bit more believable in her aria ("Ölj meg engemet, Bánk" or "Please kill me, Bank") during that scene. Yes, she was on the ground by his feet, but singing straight to the audience rather than to Bank was a little bit odd. Also, Gertrude must have been bloodless in addition to being heartless because when Bank stabbed her she didn't bleed even a drop on her white night gown -- strange. (Having worked at scrubbing stage blood out of cream colored duchess satin, this really disappointed me)

6. Spent another couple of hours on the trampoline with the kindy kids yesterday. Best moment... getting tackled by three little boys who decided that I was General Grievous (they were Anakin, (Luke), Obi Wan (Vader), and I'm not sure who the third was pretending to be).

7. I'm currently "bugging" Ss. Anthony of Padua, Gabriel the Archangel, and Matthew the Apostle (patrons of mail, post offices/postal workers, and customs officers respectively) hoping that a package comes before I leave for the States... if you want to bug them on my behalf that would be cool. Yet another reason I'm glad I'm Catholic!

Meet some of my kids

On Fridays, I take the commuter train about 20 minutes north of Budapest to the new kindergarten where I work with the oldest group. Friday is swimming day but sometimes I stay at the kindy depending on how many kids aren't swimming. I'm happy to stay behind because swimming is a big hassle ... and not going means I can play outside with the kids -- on the new trampoline! I've always liked big trampolines but never had any chance to play on them regularly. Now, my Friday mornings consist of jumping off and on for up to an hour and a half. I'm choosing to believe that it's building muscle since that's about the only sort of exercise I can safely do right now and not worry more about losing weight.

Anyway... I thought I'd write about some of the Sunny Seeds kids. There are 11 kids (I think -- there has been some shifting lately between grou
ps) age 5-7, ten boys and a girl.




Starting with A & P ... aka... Boy and Girl
-- this is hardly an exaggeration...They could almost pose for these pictures. Boy is one of the two older boys who will be going to school next year. He's somewhat of a "gentle giant" and by far the most mature of the class. Girl is the little princess of the class -- not surprising since she's the only girl. Her little sister is in the mini group and Girl is often playing Mommy to her little sister.





Next: B & K ... aka Sons of Thunder
These brothers are the loudest of the bunch... and usually the worst behaved. B is getting ready for school (7 years old) and K is just a little bundle of trouble (although, luckily for him, often adorably) at 5. Things are just getting crazier now that their parents are getting divorced... I wish parents could see what that does to their kids sometimes. Here's hoping that the kids get through it and do alright like their "namesakes."



A & A AKA... Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker
These are their names, not mine. They love Star Wars and are always role playing something or building starships out of Lego blocks etc. Darth Vader is the son of one of the other kindy teachers and he loves correcting the other children - especially at meals - by yelling at them (louder than they actually are) to be quiet. Luke is/was being raised bilingual but I believe his parents are divorced and dad is back in England (or which ever English-speaking country he's from). In any case, he had a better grasp of English coming in compared to some of the others but by this point they are pretty equal.


M aka... The Mouth
The Mouth, as the name would suggest, has the worst mouth I've ever heard on a child. It's bad enough to hear "four-letter words" (although in Hungarian, they may have more or less letters) from an adult but there are some things I just don't want to hear out of a 4-5 year old. It doesn't help matters that his attitude is cruddy and he's the one who always insists he can't understand a word I say (even when another teacher who knows NO English can understand through my use of gestures).



B aka Mr. Mellow
Mr. Mellow is the kid who couldn't be more easy-going. Quiet and calm. A great helper when it comes to cleaning up or setting the table, etc. Gentle and has a big heart, although sometimes he can be a bit clingy. Over all, though, he's a really great 5 year old.



I really don't know the other three very well ... one is new, one just moved from the middle group, and the third isn't usually there on Fridays.

These little buggers can be such sweethearts. I know I shouldn't have favorites, but it's pretty much impossible. Like Boy... I got back from break today and he was in our group room working quite diligently on a paper crown which he proceeded to wear the rest of the afternoon. Or Luke -- we had a bit of a rough afternoon -- after having a hard time waking up from his nap (although, I really don't mind when they decide to snuggle up on my lap), he refused to drink his water at snack and ended up sitting at the table for a good long while after everyone else was done. He got pretty upset with me because I wouldn't let him leave until he had had two sips. Even after he finally drank some he was still moping at the table... I ended up carrying him over to the carpet and telling a "Once upon a time..." story involving everyone in the room which turned into he, Boy, and Vader stealing my shoes -- worked rather like clown shoes. I "retaliated" by wearing Boy's shoes -- kind of like high heels with no actual heels. That got Luke laughing hysterically and I knew all was fine.

Moral of the story... I love kids... especially 3-6 year olds.

Kids Say the Darndest Things....

It's a good thing I didn't have a chance to post this yesterday like I wanted to... because I think today topped everything I heard yesterday.

~~Alex, one of the 6 year olds at the kindy, was telling me about some Lego Star Wars videos
Me: That's cool... my little brother likes Star Wars Legos too, but he's a bit older than you.
Alex: How old is he?
Me: 11
Alex: How old are you?
Me: Old enough to be your teacher.
Alex: 45?
.... Actually, it was really nice to be not seen as a middle school kid for once (although I'm closer to that then 45)

~~ I was in the bathroom waiting to see if any of the little ones needed help. One little girl about 3 years old was sitting on the toilet pooping. She said something to me but I couldn't quite hear what it was. When I asked her, she repeated herself. I still couldn't tell what she was saying, expecting it to be something like "I'm finished" or "wipe please" .... nope. The little dear was telling me "I love you." You know you've "arrived" as a kindy teacher when kids make declarations of love from the toilet.

~~ To be fair, I didn't hear the actual comment in this case only the other teacher's response. Again taking place in the bathroom:
Teacher: There is no girl soap and boy soap! There is only soap!

That was Monday at the kindy... today at school, my English lessons ended up having a common theme that I definitely didn't plan. I suppose I should have expected something when I decided to have 6a read "The Emperor's New Clothes." We got about 3/4 of the way through before some of the boys in the back realized what was happening in the story ... being 11-13, of course they found it absolutely hilarious. So was the line describing how happy the Emperor was as being "uncommonly gay."

With 6a, that's not out of the ordinary. My English class with 5a was another matter. As an ongoing project, they are writing pen-pal emails to one of my brother's friends who is also in fifth grade. This also allows for me to look at their language use in context and sometimes address small vocabulary or grammatical points (today it was would/could vs. will/can). After they write their letters each week, they can spend the rest of the time playing Apples to Apples Junior... it's a great way for them to be using vocabulary and they enjoy it very much.

Although I'm not allowed to understand anything they say, I will often call the kids out on using Hungarian by asking them to repeat what they said in English. Sometimes, I will select comments that I catch but other times I just hear the Hungarian but don't hear what it is. One such thing happened today. My class was playing Apples to Apples in groups of five students. I walk back and forth between the groups, making comments and helping with definitions if they don't understand word as well as trying to keep the Hungarian in check. Walking over to this group, I noticed two things 1. they were all laughing and talking about something in Hungarian and 2. one of the words was "meatballs." I honestly didn't hear what they were saying, although I had a couple of fair assumptions, so I asked them to repeat it in English. The stunned, embarrassed looks on their faces were only topped by their explanation. To their credit, they didn't say it was "nothing" nor did they leave one person to deal with it. Together they all blundered through telling me that "Meatballs don't always look like balls, sometimes, like in the school cafeteria, they look more like" here they paused, not knowing a polite term for what they were trying to describe, before continuing "a cucumber in a man's pants." Teachable moments... they got a new vocabulary word (although I didn't make a big deal just told them the term they were looking for) and learned that using a common nickname for Richard is really not a good choice in most settings.


Never a dull moment, that's for sure.

Been a while... whoops

Lots going on in my life at the moment...so I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks. Sorry :(


CB2 came to visit last weekend. It was really wonderful to see some friends from school. I hadn't realized just how much I missed spending time with people from SHU until I had the chance. So many inside jokes and memories. It was also great showing them around "my" city. Their enthusiasm helped me appreciate many of the things I take for granted about living here. Every time they stopped to take a picture of some building or another I was struck with the thought "yes, that is a beautiful building." Because I live here, it can be hard to see the beauty around me because I hurry past these same buildings every day on my way to work, the store, Mass, etc. We also had the chance to see I Vespri Siciliani by Verdi at the Hungarian State Opera. I realized how spoiled I've gotten working at GGO because I found the production to be uninspired. It wasn't bad, just nothing spectacular, especially in terms of staging and costumes. Also, one of the leads was having a bad day... I can't call those sounds "cracks" they were more like earthquakes.

Work has been interesting - some issues with a co-teacher not taking the time to tell me what she was teaching, or that she wouldn't be in class. Thankfully, these seem to be working out. I've also started working at the foundation's first kindergarten. It's such a treat to be there. The children are so well-behaved and everything is very organized... but then, compared to the other, this has been open for many years so it's no surprise. Additionally, I've been working on writing the music curricula for Years 5-7. So far, that consists of translating the Hungarian curricula so that I know what they are supposed to be learning there before I decide what to teach in the English half. One thing I want to do for certain is add more creativity to the lessons. In their current form (which isn't the teacher's choice.. it's the national curriculum) the lessons aren't particularly engaging and I can't blame the kids for not being interested. Hopefully, I can help change that even if just a little.

Confusion

Sometimes I wonder where I'm going... and if it's the right direction. Before getting this job offer in the spring, I had no idea what I was going to do. I was rejected from every graduate program I applied for. I wasn't sure how much a part of my life I wanted music to be. I knew I couldn't stay in Greensburg or move back to Steubenville but didn't know where I should go. All types of ideas were floating around in my brain, some more considered than others. Going back to school somewhere else and getting my masters (or a second bachelors) in theology or history was an idea that just didn't fly. Dealing with college freshman again wasn't something I wanted to do nor was paying a ridiculous amount of money for a degree which would be hardly more useful than the Sacred Music and Voice Performance ones I was finishing. I contemplated moving to another city and getting a "crap" job at McDonalds or Walmart while I explored the musical opportunities there. The problem with that option was needing a job before I moved somewhere and not being able to apply to those places long distance. After requesting information and considering, I had two very positive phone interviews with an admissions counselor at a cooking school in Illinois. Their baking and pastry diploma only takes a year and would give me a realistic and reliable career while still incorporating some creativity. In the end, it didn't matter because I got this job teaching in Budapest.

In general, I'm very happy where I am. My job is steady, full time, salaried, in a city I love, and somewhat related to the field I studied. In that regard, I am so much luckier than many (if not most) of my friends. Teaching is getting easier. My co-workers/co-teachers are generally awesome. The kindergarten should be settling down again after a major upheaval. (In a nutshell... one of the other teachers threw a massive fit, insisted she "couldn't work with her co-teacher," and rather than being told to shape up, six of us had our jobs rearranged. The saddest part for me is the fact that my old class now has one girl with her mom as a teacher, one girl with her grandma - the one who threw the fit - as a teacher, and six precious toddlers with no one. I'm not suggesting that the other children will be completely ignored but it's in no way a healthy situation.) I'm readjusting to life in Budapest. My Hungarian is getting better. Today, I even participated in a survey on Guru - a Turo-Rudi offshoot - in Auchan (similar to Walmart). Next Friday, I'll be seeing my first show in Budapest since getting back - Mozart! - at the operetta theater.

What's the problem, then? Sometimes I still don't know if I'm in the right place. I miss singing. It has been a full six months since I sang anything more extensive than Mass or music with the kids. Teaching the older kindergarten kids is something I feel completely unprepared for. Before the mess, I was with the baby group which was great because I had worked with that age group before. Now, with the kids preparing for school, I'm lost. The upper elementary kids are a handful - to put it VERY nicely - as well. It's hard to teach with one of the year 7s lying on the desk and doing everything he can to distract everyone. I'm pretty sure that year 7 doesn't like me after the singing test on Tuesday. Of the four students that I tested (in Hungary, not every student does every test/assignment... it's strange) there was one F, one D, and two C's. Being this far away from my friends and family is hard - especially with Thanksgiving and Christmas getting closer. Fighting the "if only"s can be really difficult some days.

Respect

Would you tell your boss that, while business casual is the standard in your office, you will only wear sweat pants to work? Or how about using your phone for personal calls all day at work? Extending your lunch break into time allotted for meetings? If so, would you expect to keep your job in this economy?

NO!

These questions probably seem ridiculous and rightly so. When you apply for a job, you find out what it entails and then agree to fulfill your duties to the best of your ability. Certainly, there are deadbeats in every field, unfortunately. But... suppose you had studied for years to be qualified for your job. Suppose you had sacrificed time, money, and countless other things for this job. Suppose you were, somehow, amazingly, being paid (however little... remember - YOU accepted the job) to do what you love most. Would you respect it any less than the average entry-level worker fresh out of school and thrilled to have any job?

Of course not... one would think.

As crazy as it sounds, this is exactly what I see way too much when I go to work. Some of the YAAPs (members of the Young American Artist Program here at GGO) have so little respect for what they are doing. Refusing to wear costumes, purposefully neglecting to remove personal jewelry, going onstage with cell phones in their costume pockets, ignoring requests about things like not playing frisbee in costume, and, my personal "favorite", wearing costume pieces home.

As an aspiring singer, I find the attitudes sported by some of these talented young performers to be nothing short of offensive. Out of probably close to a thousand applicants and hundreds of auditions, this small group of 20-30 was chosen. If you consider the additional numbers of people like myself who know they have years of study remaining before attempting to apply, there are thousands of people who would give almost anything for the opportunity these singers have been given.

Obviously, not all of the YAAPs fall into this category! There are some singers I am working with and have worked with at GGO who are not only talented performers but also wonderful people. These are the ones I hope go far. These are the singers I would love to work with in the future. These are the people from whom I hope to learn something.

The rest, I would love to give a piece of my mind. And, in the words of Mrs. Cratchit, "I hope they have a good appetite for it!" I wish I could shake them and ask "How do you not realize the opportunity you have? Do you know how many people would trade places with you in a heartbeat? How can you be doing what you love and have so little respect for it? Why even bother taking the job if you won't do what's asked of you? Isn't singing worth taking out your earrings or carefully checking that you return your costume pieces and props? What's the use of scoffing at the people whose job it is to make you look good?"

In the end, I doubt they would hear me, even if I had the opportunity to ask.