Everyday life in Szoboszlo

It's been a while since I've written. Not because I've been particularly busy but because it doesn't feel like much has been happening - in the  most wonderful way possible. I am settling in and Szoboszlo feels like home. I teach, lesson plan, shop, go to choir practice, make it into Debrecen for Mass some weeks and others just go here in town, I cook, I watch tv, normal everyday things. It's hard for me to remember that this isn't "normal" for everyone reading my blog because it seems so natural to me.

One of my main goals this year was to figure out if I love living in Hungary or if I just love living in Budapest. I've only been here a month and a half but I know the answer quite definitely. I love living in Hungary. Last Saturday, I got up early and took the train to Budapest for the day to see some of the other CETP teachers. It was very strange because I had never "visited" Budapest before. Of course, I've lived there and I have seen many of the sights and I know my way around, but I had never gone there just to visit. Comparing it to Szoboszlo was bizarre. I love Budapest, it's a wonderful city and I will always be grateful for my years there, but now I can see more of its flaws. The city is big, dirty, noisy, and smelly. I am happy to be this close (2.5 hours by train) and be able to visit every so often rather than live there.

School is going well. Slowly but surely I am learning names (hard when I have ~425 students!!). At this point, I know most of the students who misbehave as well as the excellent ones but I still need to learn the rest. I would venture a guess that I know about a quarter of the names (when they are in class... it's much harder when I see them in the hall and don't have a class to associate them with). Not bad when you figure I've only had five classes with most of them (I was out sick for three days in September with a bad cold)! The kids are sweet, it was quite an adjustment at first because they speak much less English than those at my last school but I am figuring out how to make things work. My favorite classes to teach are 1st grade (they are so so adorable), 5th grade (very small classes and they are bright/hard working kids), and one of my 8th grade classes (they focus better than any of my other classes and we get things done much quicker - which means they get more time to play games - it's a win-win situation!).

I am still playing the "I don't know what you're saying, tell me in English" card and will do so as long as I can. Of course, I slip up every once in a while and respond to something they say but I tend to play it off and be extra "clueless" for the rest of the  class. Even though I don't respond, it is very helpful to know what they are talking about. I would prefer that they not swear in Hungarian in my class but I'm not sure how to deal with that without "exposing" my knowledge. I have given most of my upper school classes a piece of my mind when they have slipped and sworn in English.

Finding creative ways to manage my classes is a bit of a challenge but I'm getting better at it. All of my students need to have a name tag (we made them the first week of classes) so that I can see who they are and I have different tactics for different grades to ensure that they have them. First and second get stickers if they have them and a sad face if they don't; I think I may start recording more closely with rewards if they have a certain number of stickers. Third grade gets an X if they don't have it and after three Xes I'll be talking to their teacher. The fourth graders are getting a taste of my childhood - if they don't have their name tag and/or notebook I assign 15-25 sentences for the next week: I will bring my notebook/name tag to Miss Rose's class. We are having a contest in fifth and sixth grades and the class loses points if they do not have their name tag. In seventh and eighth, I give them time at the beginning of class to make a new name tag if they don't bring one. I count how many minutes of my teaching time it takes them and then I take the same number of minutes from their break at the end of class. In general, stickers are a wonderful reward for anything. I haven't used them in 7th or 8th but even the 6th graders get very excited to get them for a good mark on an exercise in class. All in all, I really love teaching. It's funny since I never expected to be doing it but I can see myself teaching for a very long time.

All my paperwork is completed. It was fantastic, I only had to go to immigration in Debrecen once. And, had the officer not mistyped my name in the form, it would have taken about an hour. As it was, we were finished in an hour and a half. Two weeks later I received a letter saying my residency application was accepted and another week or so later, I received my residence permit. Both of those came by registered mail so I only had to go to the post office and pick them up. The school has been so organized with all my paperwork. I have been very thankful because it saves so much time, energy, and worry that one of my papers will be misplaced.

My health card took a little longer to get which was almost a problem when I was sick. I had a nasty cold (just a cold this time... I didn't let it develop into bronchitis or anything!) and had go to the doctor. That was challenging because my contact teacher was in England on a school trip. I ended up calling Hajni, our program director. She called the school and one of the other teachers took me to the doctor after the principal called the doctor's office. My doctor is directly across the street which is great because it only take a minute or two to get there depending on when the lights turn. The pharmacy is around the corner from the doctor - I can still almost see it from my balcony. Despite not having my health card, I was able to see the doctor and got prescriptions for antibiotics (which I took even though it turned out not to be bacterial), nose spray, cough medicine, and vitamin c. The appointment was free and the prescriptions cost about 6000ft (a little under $30) all together. I think the three days of rest which the doctor also prescribed did more than the rest! I've gotten my health card since then so, while I hope I won't have to go back, things should be fine if I do.

As I mentioned above, I'm singing in a choir in Szoboszlo. It's held at the music-focused elementary school for the teachers there and other people from the town. We have a concert this afternoon at my church to celebrate the beginning of the Year of Faith. Most of the members are much older than I am (there are a few in their 30-40s but most are 50-60) but it's nice to have a place to sing. I may be joining a choir in Debrecen as well. My contact teacher's best friend teaches in the music school at the University of Debrecen and I met her yesterday. She invited me to join the Debrecen university/community choir AND is going to help me get set up with a voice teacher from the school for private lessons!!

The mail seems to be great here - I've gotten everything that people have sent quite quickly - so feel free to send me something!

Kovach Rose
Szilfakalja utca 6 2/5
Hajduszoboszlo
4200
Hungary

I'm Baaaackkk! (and Hungarian)

Apologies for dropping off the face of the Earth. I've been getting ready and moving to Hungary and, as is not unusual for my life, I wasn't comfortable getting excited until I was actually here. I arrived about ten days ago and spent a few days with some friends before starting orientation.

Being back in Budapest is amazing. I alternately feel as if I have been gone forever and as though I just left a week ago. Just arriving in London, after a changed flight schedule and an extra night in the US (in a hotel in Dallas which terrified me to no end), I felt so relaxed and peaceful. Even having my luggage lost and not getting it until the next day didn't faze me. This is Hungary after all.

Orientation has been fantastic. I'm making new friends - surprising myself how much I am going out of my comfort zone to introduce (and reintroduce) myself to people - and learning a ton. I'm skipping the Hungarian lessons because I already know enough to get around but the rest of the classes are proving to be very helpful. So many of the cultural differences between the US and Hungary which I was aware of are being explained in ways which I could have never put into words. The thorough (albeit not always perfect English) lectures are fascinating. I am taking more notes than many people simply because every facet that is explained and can be transferred from inarticulate experience into something I can actually describe makes me very happy. And with nearly every facet, I find parts of myself mirrored in the culture.

I am Hungarian. Not that there has been any doubt in my mind through the last ten years but now I have "proof." Hearing explanations for the pessimism that runs in my blood, the tendency to have very little privacy about my personal life (far too many people know far too much about my life and I care far too little about this fact... clearly, I belong in a culture where people would be asking me about all of this rather than my awkward over-sharing of unnecessary blather), the generation gap (although, I often feel on the "old" side of it) while still being able to socialize with a wide variety of people, the list could go on and on.

These things don't usually bother me but occasionally I feel them highlighted and outside of Hungarian culture it can feel uncomfortable. I guess there are simple solutions (largely revolving around keeping my mouth shut when the urge to over-share strikes me... or not blogging about it) but I'm like an addict that can't seem to break the habit.

Because the majority of the new teachers have never been to Budapest, I have been playing tour guide quite a bit answering questions, giving directions, and leading expeditions. Although I make it known that my advice is not "official" CETP advice, there have been a few spats when returning teachers who are helping with orientation strongly disagree with me. While I don't mind differing opinions, it is frustrating to be told I am wrong by someone who has been in the country, not to mention Budapest itself, much shorter of a period than I have.

Lest you think this is all gloom and doom, things are going great. I'm so happy to be back in Hungary. I can't wait to move to Hajduszoboszlo on Tuesday and get acquainted with my new town. I have so many teaching strategies and ideas that I am itching to try out and I am learning more everyday during our sessions on Teaching Tips. Those are especially good because they are taught completely from the understanding that we are Americans who don't know much about the Hungarian educational system. While I have a better understanding of the Hungarian system than most of my classmates, I know much less about education in general than some of the rest. I'm so thrilled to have this opportunity (yes, even to the point of being thankful for all the crap that happened with Szoloto which lead to my leaving and ultimately coming back) and cannot wait to see what the year will hold.

Leaving

Since I've "officially" announced this everywhere else and passive-aggressively alluded to it on my blog, it's time that I let the world know what's going on in my life.

I quit my job.

And am moving back to the US.

Next week.

I don't feel like going into all the nasty details but suffice it to say working here has become a danger to my mental health thanks to a variety of people and their actions. As I mentioned before, I am truly heartbroken to be leaving Budapest. I feel as though I am being forced to breakup with someone that I deeply love because of circumstances far beyond our control. I know that I will be back but, in some ways, that makes it worse. Leaving just seems so futile. However, I know that this is the only decision I could make at the moment.

One of the most telling things that this decision was the right one is how violently my employers have reacted. It reminds me of breaking up with my ex this summer. There were things that bothered me enough to the point where I realized that I had to end the relationship (or in this case, job). But it was when I actually ended it (or turned in my letters of resignation) that things REALLY went sour. Anyway.... more on that (maybe) when I leave the country. Suffice it to say, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am better off not working for this organization.

I've gotten a lot of comfort from music lately and want to share a few songs which have really "spoken" to me.

1. "Moving On" by Sixpence None the Richer (I couldn't find a recording on youtube)
It has gotten to my head. Permeates the path I tread.
But I tread, I'm moving on in a new and happy song.
I can sing about the night, how my tunnel without light
Led me to the other side where the sky is blue.

It's all I can do to not let them ruin me.
I will not let them ruin me.
I will not let them ruin me again.

This song reminds me of the saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." That's why I'm leaving -- so it doesn't get to the "fool me twice" stage.

2. "You Can Still Be Free" by Savage Garden
No regrets or promises
The past is gone
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
Time now to spread your wings
To take to flight
The life endeavor
Aim for the burning sun
You're trapped inside
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
But it's a long long way to go

In the middle of my struggle with my decision, this song came up on my ipod one day on the way home from work. As I listened, it moved me to tears. That was one of the first moments that I knew what I needed to do. Yes, I can't change what's happened and it will be a long way to go, but in the end, I will be free.

3. "Find Your Wings" by Mark Harris
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

The same day that "You Can Still Be Free" spoke to me, this song did as well. At this point, my parents weren't completely on board with my decision. I'm very different from my parents in some ways and one of those is that I am much more open about feelings and emotions. This song has always seemed to be what I think (and hope) my parents would say to me if they talked about things like this. Also, the line about needing to reach for the sky is so key... if you're just existing that's not much of a life.

4. "Kell meg egy szo" by Dolhai Attila (you know I had to include at least ONE song by him)
Nézz rám, s ne ígérj,
nézz rám, sose félj!
Ha nincs hely, ahol élj,
indulj haza felé!
(ROUGH translation -- courtesy of google)

I love, love, love this song. But the last line is especially perfect for this situation. "If you can't find a place to live, turn towards home." (That's my rough translation) It reminds me of what Deb keeps telling me: "don't postpone living." While living in Budapest has always been my dream, this work mess is turning that into a nightmare. It's time to wake up from that nightmare and get back to living!

*** NOTE ***
Not everyone at work has been causing me problems. I have made some good friends who I will miss a ton. Also, I love my kids. They made the decision excruciating because I have formed such an attachment to them. In the end, however, if this job is beating me down to less than my best then I am not capable of giving them what they deserve.

A picture is worth a 1000 beautiful words ;-)

And here are 5 of them!!

On Friday evening, I went to the Pesti Broadway Fesztival which is two days of outdoor concerts to celebrate the opening of the season for the Budapest Operetta Theater. I was ridiculously excited because one of the stars there is Dolhai Attila... who just happens to be my favorite singer.

In. The. Whole. World.

I went straight after work with one of the other kindy teachers and we managed to get to the side of the stage between the stage and the building where the singers were chillaxing. That meant everyone had to walk by us to get to the stage. Much excitement (and picture taking) ensued

The middle of the three guys standing in the doorway -- Dolhai Attila!!!!

Far left: walking back from stage after gracing our ears :)

Standing by the stage watching friends and singing along... precious

Coming out into the mob of people waiting for him after the show... "Ok, guys, seriously, you're scaring me a little... I'll stand over there by the other door, go line up." (not an exact translation but the general idea of what he said)

AND... Then....

I

MET

DOLHAI

ATTILA.

He asked what my name was so that he could autograph my copy of one of his CDs (which I had found second hand the day before ... for 990ft -- less than $5). I told him it was Rozsa (wasn't going to mess around with the American version... especially since it sounds like the Hungarian word for "bad"). Took two tries thanks to my terrible American accent. Then tragedy struck.



MY PEN WOULDN'T WRITE!!!!! AHHHHHH.
(I would totally throw it against the wall.... except that he touched it)

So..this was the result:
The CD, the evil pen, and the beginnings of "To Rose" or something like that (it's on his collar.. I know it's kind of hard to see... gee... thanks pen.)

Next time: picture with him.
Sadly, that will likely be years away :(
Damn you, stupid work mess!!


Edit: Maybe not years away -- just bought a ticket for Romeo es Julia the night before I leave... waiting at the stage door after the show is a distinct possibility!

How do you know?

People are always asking me about the differences between living in the US and living in Hungary. I tend to have a hard time explaining because most things are small and I've just adjusted and expect different things in each place. This morning on the ride home from the airport, I was looking around and thinking how distinctly European (and specifically Hungarian) things were. And so, without further ado:

How I know I'm in Budapest

1. Windows - first floor have bars, blinds on the outside, no screens.
2. Speed limit signs are circles - red on the outside, white on the inside, just a number no kmph or anything.
3. Balconies... especially ones with the yellow/orange plastic wall.
4. Yellow churches.
5. Those buses from ~1960 that haven't been shipped east yet. (Not all of the buses are that old)
6. The hustle and bustle of the city. (of course that's only because I've never lived in a city in the States)
7. "Köszönöm" and "Elnézést" come out much quicker and more naturally than "Thank you" and "Excuse me."
8. Milk comes in a liter box (or bag) and never gets completely cold.
9. Cars with "sharp" backs - they just end with no trunk space. (Compared to the first times I've been here there are many more sedans but the little "European" cars are still everywhere)
10. Women with reddish/purple hair.
11. No cheddar cheese :( and bland cheese in general. (I was really excited when both dinner and breakfast on the flight came with a little packet of medium cheddar - granted, I prefer sharp, but even medium is hard/expensive to come by)
12. Paper money has all kinds of different colors and coins are MUCH larger/heavier than American.
13. The ceiling in my flat is ~4m tall.
14. Communication - or lack thereof. I arrived home to find someone still here finishing the work of replacing my windows because my landlady didn't tell them I would be home today.
15. Internet blocks -- to watch American tv, I have to turn on my VPN because the websites won't let you watch from outside of the US.

Yes, I will blog about my exceedingly bizarre summer... I just owe a few friends the full story in person first before I post a recap here.

Selfishness

There are times when I think everyone has to be a little selfish. Not in an "I don't care about anyone but myself" way but more like "if I don't take care of myself there is no way I can help anyone else." This is why the intention for the first decade of my daily Rosary is for my day, what ever struggles there will be (more often than not... just that I will "get through"), anything special happening, etc. If I don't put my life into God's hands first, how can I offer prayers for anything/anyone else? I know that my classes will suffer if I am cranky from not getting enough sleep. So, I have to be selfish when it comes to spending time with people in the evenings.

Sometimes, it's not easy to tell. There is a situation at one of the English Masses that I'm really struggling with. I've rejoined the choir after singing there five years ago. The "choir" sings every week, they meet an hour (or whenever people show up) before Mass to learn the hymns, of the 6-8 people, two have some musical training (more than being able to read music), two can read music somewhat, and the rest have to learn everything by ear. It's a motley crew to say the least. We just found out that the music director's husband got transferred back to the States. She is leaving before Christmas. That leaves a huge hole in the group. There is no official church leadership, no one who would look for a new director, and no money to pay a new director. If I don't take the position, there won't likely be anyone.

Seems pretty obvious, right? I'm here, have musical training, and therefore am the logical choice to take over. Only, the week before K. announced she was leaving, I had decided that I wanted to explore the possibility of singing with the choir at St. Matyas church. That is a semi-professional group that sings for Sunday Latin Mass at the Coronation Church up at the Buda Castle. Now, I'm stuck. I don't want to be in the new director. Frankly, there is some drama amongst the choir members (people who have absolutely no right trying to exclude others) that I don't want to deal with. Additionally, the accompanist can only be there a couple of weeks a month which means I would be stuck playing (or leading Mass unaccompanied) the rest of the time. My piano skills are poor to say the least and even what I can do isn't appreciated by the choir. When I had to play a few weeks ago, they got on my case because *gasp* I played wrong notes. HELLO! I'm HUMAN. And not a pianist. And I hadn't had access to a piano for four months.

I'm so torn. I feel like I have an obligation to take the position but, at the same time, I would so much rather be singing Schubert's Mass in G at St. Matyas than struggling to teach people to sing some banal OCP ditty by ear. I really wish the two English Masses were blended. It would be on Saturday evenings, either church.. that part doesn't matter, the music from Saturday, the priest from Sunday. Oh well, not going to happen so why dream.

Thoughts? Suggestions? How selfish is too selfish?

Mozart!

Some things are worth waiting for. Tonight's performance of Mozart! would be one of them. I had been wanting to see Dolhai Attila perform since discovering Romeo es Julia four years ago. While, I haven't seen that yet, I finally got to see him as the title role in tonight's musical.

Assorted thoughts:

-- Sets were amazing... so many different scenes, so elaborate. Moving platforms, raising, falling, hanging, circling staircases and floor patterns.
-- Costumes (with an exception -- I'll mention later) were great. More "traditional period" than in Romeo es Julia but not completely traditional.
-- The performers were all good -- particularly liked Baroness, Nannerl, and Leopold (besides Mozart - of course!).
-- The Porcelain Child ... wow. Silent acting plus acrobatics -- really made the story. (The story is told with Mozart as an adult but this child is often with him as a symbol of his child prodigy self)
-- Attila... well, there really isn't much I can say. Some voices can't be done justice on video or audio recordings. With all due respect to the many great tenors I know, I finally saw my favorite perform tonight. All I know is if he was really Mozart, I would fight Josie M., to the death, to win him :) Well.. if he wasn't already married with three little girls, that is.
-- Music - I've heard it before but live is so much better. It's a mixture of classical (Mozart and Mozartean sounding), musical, and rock opera.
-- Staging - all around good. Seamless scene shifts, nice chorus numbers - without seeming contrived, moments between Mozart and the Porcelain Child were particularly good. Mozart's reaction to his father's final rejection was, in my opinion, the most powerful scene. Although the lyrics are asking why his father never loved him for who he was rather than just as a performing monkey, I was reminded of St. Francis by the idea of even giving back his clothes to his father.

Some things I might change...
-- Recast Constanze... clearly, I should be playing opposite Attila (haha... a girl can dream, right?)
-- One distracting costume piece - I realize that as this is a musical, the mikes are necessary. However... if you know the lead is going to mostly strip on stage, wouldn't it make sense to at least make the mike pack flesh colored? That way it would be less absurd than a big white band stretching around his chest. I'd be happy to fix this for them. It might require a couple of fittings to make sure it's perfect though ;-)
-- Super-titles were helpful but weren't synchronized very well.

All in all it was wonderful and I'm sure I'll be seeing many more shows at the Operetta Szinhaz. It was so nice to have something take my mind of the bitterness and defeat that are threatening to take over. Only God could have know what type of week I would have before this and prompt me to make sure I bought a ticket when I did. Between the misery that has been school, the new disaster that the kindy has become, and getting sick, I really, really needed this escape.

Is this for real?

It's starting to set in. I am actually moving to Europe... next week. Now that I have a place to stay for the first month (a flat arranged by the language school where I'm doing the CELTA course), I feel like I can actually start packing. Most of my shopping is done - I've had to remind myself that I'm moving to Budapest not Siberia... stocking up on a specific hair conditioner - ok, buying extra underwear - unnecessary. The list of things that I can't wait to do is increasing rapidly. The first few weeks will be rough with jet lag, culture shock, and the CELTA course all at once but at least I can look forward to the food. I might not have time for much those weeks but I have to eat :) and eat I will! If it takes more than 24 hours in the country for me to have a turo rudi there will be a serious problem!

Finding out about this flat has been such a relief. I was getting worried -- didn't want to be spending my first night in Budapest under a bridge (exaggeration!! I would have at least found a hostel). Not only is the flat in a great location - District I and only one tram stop or a short walk from Moszkva Ter (where the school is and a major transportation hub) - it's also a studio single... with INTERNET! The way God provides is just amazing.

In other news, I went to see the Figaro cover run last night with Kate, my housemate. It was hilarious. I've seen Figaro a number of times but this particular production (both the covers and the actual cast) is just amazing. There are reasons this opera is so popular and it's still one of my favorites. The only downside was it really made me miss singing. Once I settle in this fall, I think I want to get a score and start learning Suzanna just for the heck of it. Finding a voice teacher also is on my to-do list. Ideally, someone at GGO knows a good teacher in Budapest .. I just haven't gotten around to asking people. Must do that soon!