Because I'm lazy and indecisive and insecure ...

... that's why I'm Catholic.

(inspired by Bible study... if you are part of that group and happen to be reading, I don't intend this as an attack, at all. I'm sorry if it comes across as such. I'm just glad things are a little simpler for me. Also, the title is inspired by a blog that I've been reading -- I'm not actually implying that Catholics are lazy, indecisive, and/or insecure.)

OK...

Another heated debate at Bible Study. This time it was over the 7th (8th) commandment against stealing. We started with a question: "Why is studying the Bible dangerous?" The leader was looking for "because sometimes it challenges you to change things in your life that you don't want to." Another answer, however, could be "because people's personal interpretations can be vastly different and it's easy to get into an argument if there is not absolute authority - aside from the words which everyone is reading and interpreting differently."

I don't want to get into who was right or wrong or what views are correct. Partly, because that's not what this post is about and partly because I'm not sure. But here's the thing. I don't have to make that call. I've got a place I can go to find out. All I need to do is pull out a copy of the CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) and it's spelled out for me.

On a related note, confession was touched on tonight. Not the sacrament, obviously, but the fact that it is important to confess to both God and the person you've wronged. And that confession isn't easy. That's true. But, even though I don't go as often as I should, once I get through the hard part, I hear my favorite prayer (outside of the Mass):

God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Yes, in the name and authority of God, I get to hear a human voice tell me that my sins are gone. There is no worrying "did God actually hear my prayer and forgive me?" or "how do I know if I'm really forgiven?" I don't have to wait for a voice in my head to convince me that I'm free. My mind doesn't have to struggle with "did God actually say that or was I just making it up so I'll feel better?" -- because if I couldn't hear an actual person saying those words that's what I would struggle with. But, it's all a moot point, because - for better or worse (but, honestly that's a silly statement here) - I'm Catholic. And I couldn't be more thankful.

Things I think about...

Watching Prince Caspian today, the following exchange really stood out for me.

[Caspian, Peter, Edmund, and Susan all kneel in front of Aslan]
Aslan: Rise, kings and queens of Narnia.
[Peter, Edmund, and Susan stand up, but Caspian stays on one knee]
Aslan: All of you.
Prince Caspian: I do not think I am ready.
Aslan: It is for that very reason, that I know you are.

How often this is true! The very fact that we can accept our own unprepared-ness and therefore understand our need to rely on God is proof that we are ready for whatever He has in store.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Words. Such an important part of life. And, often, one of the most abused. In the past few weeks, there have been a number of very different situations which have impressed upon me the importance of choosing one's words carefully.

1. The pastor from the Baptist church led Bible Study again a few weeks ago (Go here for the story of the first time he came). I got a lot more out of it than the first time: partly because of things happening in my life at that time and partly just because it was better. The topic was discerning God's will for your life, especially when it comes to important decisions. Although I didn't agree with everything he said (the joys of being a practicing Catholic, who loves/studies her faith, attending a non-denom Bible study), there were a number of good suggestions. One of these was, rather than asking for a "sign," to let something in the Word speak to you. Over the course of that next week a very unexpected situation came up which required a fairly important decision. I struggled with making the right choice for a couple of days. Finally, only hours before it was resolved, I went to daily Mass. Because it was a special feast day for the church, the readings were different from what I had read that morning. The "new" Gospel explicitly dealt with the issue that I was facing and gave me the final confirmation that I was making the right decision.

2. When the aforementioned decision came, it required a conversation (more words) which was painful for all involved. In the time before, I kept worrying over how I would phrase what I knew needed to be said. Finally, I took refuge in Mark 13:11 (Do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.). Although the situation could have gone better, I was able to "let go and let God."

3. A day or so after this situation, a coworker pulled me aside to ask some advice. I always feel a bit strange giving advice to people who are older than I. It just seems odd to be telling them "what to do" when they are older (and wiser) than I. When I was talking to her, I kept praying that God would give me the right words. I'm not even sure exactly what I said but, after a few minutes, she told me that she knew what she had to do. Yet another example of letting the Holy Spirit speak.

4. We all have little idiosyncrasies when it comes to words and often don't notice them until they are pointed out. I've been realizing lately how much use I make of modifiers to "soften" statements. Problem is, that can change the meaning of my comment. It's always interesting to realize things like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lots more I could write about, but this is it for the moment. (There you go, Miss SF, a blog post... happy now? :-D )

Say what?!

The virgin shall conceive, and bear a son,
and shall name him Emmanuel.
Isaiah 7:14

This verse appears not once but twice in the readings for Mass today. In the first reading from Isaiah, Ahaz doesn't want to ask the Lord for a sign. God gets frustrated and tells Ahaz, through Isaiah he will give him this sign. I wonder how long Ahaz rolled around on the floor laughing. I wonder how shocked he was when he looked down (or up... guess we can't know for sure) and saw that it actually happened. Ahaz probably thought this was just some ridiculous joke that God, or Isaiah, was playing on him. Seriously?! Doesn't God know the definition of "virgin"? Pretty sure that's inconsistent with the concept of being pregnant. But centuries later, that's exactly what happened.

Then there was Mary. I can't speak for anyone else, but if an angel appeared and told ME that I was going to have a baby... I would seriously consider checking myself into an institution. The conversation would probably go something like this:

Angel: Hi Rose, you're going to have a baby.
Me: HAHAHAH... that's funny.
Angel: No, seriously, you're going to have a baby.
Me: Umm... I'm pretty sure you're talking to the wrong girl.
Angel: (checks note from God) Rose, 23, American, living in Budapest, Hungary?
Me: Yess....
Angel: Yep, that's you. Congratulations. By the way, He's going to be God's Son.
Me: With all due respect, Mr. Angel Sir, you've got the wrong person. Even though you don't have a physical body, you've got to be aware of what it takes to be pregnant, right?
Angel: Don't worry about it - this is God's Son.
Me: What am I gonna tell my parents/friends?! 'Rose is pregnant?!?!' They'll never believe this story. And I don't even have a boyfriend I can "blame" it on.
Angel: OK, OK, enough already. Will you do it or not? I don't have all day, God needs an answer.
Me: (sarcastic) Well, apparently, I won't "do it" (sincere) but... since this is either real and from God or just a really random dream and it won't happen, I guess, sure, why not. (thinks) Wow, I must have eaten something really strange.

couple of weeks later

Me: Wait... that was real? Oh dear... this will be a problem. Hey, God, you're gonna get me through this, right?
God: Umm... of course. I wouldn't have put you in this situation if I didn't have a plan.
Me: Phew, well that's a relief.

But, if Mary said anything like that it hasn't been recorded. I wonder if she had heard the story of Ahaz - a bedtime story maybe - and remembered it. Of course, I'm also not sinless. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Finally, in today's Gospel reading from the first chapter of Matthew, Joseph gets pulled into the secret. Can you imagine? Your fiance shows up and tells you she's pregnant and that God is the father. That can't have made him feel very good. None of the options look promising. Probably, she is just trying to protect some other guy from town by not naming the father. But then, Mary's never seemed to be that kind of girl. And she does seem really sincere. On the other hand, if this is really God's doing, how am I supposed to compete with Him? It's no wonder he had decided to divorce Mary quietly. He didn't want to deal with this mess but he also didn't want Mary hurt. Enter Angel in dream. Joseph probably knew the story of Ahaz as well. That didn't make it any less awkward when it actually happened... involving him. But still, he trusted. He took Mary into his home, he cared for her and later Jesus, provided for them, protected them -- how strange to be the protector of God. His dreams and goals had to be given up in favor of this larger plan. He probably wanted children of his own. An extended trip to Egypt wasn't likely on his to-do list. The questions after his kid got lost in Jerusalem. And if anything went wrong, with two sinless people in the family, it was automatically his fault. I'm sure it couldn't have been easy as he looked at his friends with all their children surrounding them, seeing them with their wives, wondering what would have happened if one of them had been engaged to Mary when this happened. Yet, through all of it, he trusted. What an example.

Things I think about

I've been meaning to write about a couple of Bible verses that have come up in the last few weeks.. different things that have struck me, been interesting, etc. When I have time, I often read various blogs by other people. I'm always kind of jealous of the people who have blogs devoted mostly to faith and Catholic life. I wish I could organize my thoughts as well as some of these bloggers do -- and that there weren't other things to write about.

Over a week ago, one of the daily Gospels ended with Jesus' fairly common admonition not to tell anyone what had happened. It was after a healing - can't remember which one off the top of my head. Why does He say that? Wouldn't He want as many people to know about who He was? Wouldn't miracles be a good way to prove that? OR ... was He using reverse psychology? Expecting that if He said not to tell people, the healed would be even more exuberant in telling their tale? Or, perhaps it was part of the whole "blessed are they who have not seen but have believed" but even so, we have the stories in the Bible today but we still "haven't seen" Christ as a man. Who knows :)

Last week in Bible study, we were talking about preparation for Christmas, repentance, and John the Baptist. One of the verses brought up John saying that he was unworthy to unfasten the strap of Jesus' shoe. That got me thinking. Buckling, tying, fastening, etc. shoes for another person is both humbling and an oddly intimate gesture. I've had two very different jobs that have both involved fastening shoes for others. As a kindergarten teacher, some of the kids can not fasten their own shoes or we help them when we are in a hurry. It's not a glamorous task. Working in technical theatre as a dresser, I've fastened my fair share of shoes for other people. Either because it's a quick change, they can't reach/bend to get them themselves because of the rest of the costume, the shoes are tight, the performer is a diva - the possibilities are endless. It's strange to think about the fact that I am actually tying the shoes of a grown man or woman in a service position. In some ways, it can be like doing laundry after a show - in a strange way, it's intimate to do a guy's laundry for him -- even when it is absolutely nothing more than a job. Connecting all of these thoughts really colored the way that I think of John the Baptist. As intimidated as I could be if I were dressing even the most famous opera singer, that can't even begin to compare to how it would feel to serve the King of the universe. It's no wonder that John didn't feel worthy - how could anyone?

Bible Study

On Wednesday's I go to an international English Bible study at the Budapest Christian Library. The pastor that regularly leads it has been out of town the past few weeks so various people have been filling in. Today the pastor from the International Baptist Church of Budapest was there. I'm very very glad he was just a substitute. Rather than the typical discussion (lead by the pastor) it was a lecture... and then at the end he asked if we had comments. Riiight... because I'm going to comment after you "told us how it is" -- at least according to your interpretation of the Bible. One lady commented about some things in Revelations being examples rather than exact things because they were the words of John rather than the words of Jesus. The pastor didn't like that at all. "All of the Bible is the word of Jesus" he said.


I had to restrain myself. Somehow, I don't think Mr. I'm-a-Baptist-so-I-take-the-Bible-literally would have liked my asking his views on John 6! Especially since these are the words of Jesus... not "just" the words Jesus inspired John to write in Revelations.


John 6:35 Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst.

John 6:51-58
I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world." The Jews quarreled among themselves, saying, "How can this man give us (his) flesh to eat?" Jesus said to them, "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever."