Third Time’s Not a Charm

Sometimes the third time’s not a charm.

I’ve been proposed to three times.

The first, I was between three and five. A friend of my parents jokingly said he should marry me when I asked why he wasn’t married. The second was my freshman year in college. I was cast in a student-directed show and, at a party a few weeks before the performance, my on stage “husband” got totally smashed, staggered over to me, sat in my lap, and said we had to get married.

The third time was this past week. On Facebook messenger. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a joke like the first two. A mere acquaintance had decided he was in love with me and wanted to move half-way around the world to marry me. I didn’t accept.

Some suggestions for potential suitors (of me or anyone else).

1. Make sure your intended actually likes you. You should have spent quite a bit of time together talking and getting to know each other on a deep level. 
2. Do it in person. If you aren’t together in person enough for this to be possible, it’s probably not going to work.
3. Discuss life goals and dreams prior to proposing. Check that they are compatible or you have discussed possible compromises.
4. If your intended doesn’t respond favorably, it’s possible you misjudged the situation. Step back and check that suggestions 1-3 have been addressed. 

Of course, you can also feel free to ignore my suggestions and see what happens. After all, what do I know... I’m just someone who’s been proposed to thrice.

Shakespeare and the monkey

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, an actor and an actress met and fell in love. Eventually, they had a daughter who they named Elizabeth. When Elizabeth was young, she promised she would never be an actress like her parents. As time passed, however, a strange sequence of events resulted in Elizabeth being thrown into a season of Shakespearean dramas. To her great surprise, she loved acting. Shakespeare was her favorite because there was so much substance to his plays. She decided that she wanted to become a professional Shakespearean actress.

After many failed audition attempts, Elizabeth secured a place with an acting troupe. It was not quite Shakespeare but she was confident that she could use (and continue to develop) her talent which would help her be a better actress. As with any company, the first few shows were rough but Elizabeth thought it just needed time. Unfortunately, time only made things worse.

Eventually, Elizabeth realized the awful truth. She had been hired by a circus and turned into a performing monkey by a powerful magician. She had been reciting monologues and blocking scenes when all they wanted her to do was stand on a ball, pat her head, and rub her tummy. At first, Elizabeth tried to resist. They might have turned her into a monkey but she knew who she really was. She continued on, trying to share Shakespeare with those who visited the zoo. Unfortunately, the zookeepers were not happy with this. They had to find a way to make her stop.

The answer came with a simple strip of duct tape. The zookeepers placed this tape across Elizabeth-monkey's mouth and sent her back into the cage. Poor Elizabeth was heartbroken. After rejecting acting for so long, she was finally ready to perform and was now restricted to eating bananas (yes, there was a mysterious way she still could eat  them even with the duct tape.. it's a fairy tale... don't question it)  and scratching her head and armpits.

One day, a wiser monkey came to visit Elizabeth. This monkey knew that Elizabeth was not really a monkey. The wiser monkey told Elizabeth that the zookeepers did not really want an actor but only a monkey.  She knew that she was better than that but she also had to accept that all the zoo wanted was a performing monkey and they would keep finding more ways to punish her when she tried to do more complicated performances. Elizabeth was still sad but she agreed to pretend to be a monkey. It was simply not worth fighting about because the zookeepers would always win.

TBC?

In other news, I still love extended metaphors and Happy Thanksgiving (one day late).

Dear Subconscious: Shut Up.

It's been almost a year since my decision to swear off relationships. Most of the year has been fine. So much has happened (crap and otherwise) that a relationship would have just complicated everything. Not to mention the fact that I truly believe it's better for society if I am single. The past few weeks, my subconscious has been rebelling against me. So many strange dreams about me being with different guys in all sorts of romantic situations. Possibly the result of too much Downton Abbey, who knows. The most frustrating thing is that I know most of the guys I'm dreaming about. And, for the most part, I've either dated or wanted to date them IN THE PAST. For a variety of reasons (good, bad, and neutral), none of them are date-able and that's fine. I don't want to date them or anyone else.

I've woken up gagging over a dream to free a criminal so that I could marry him.

I've woken up bewildered after a dream in which I was married to a gay guy.

There have been plenty of others which I don't remember all the details.

Last night, I had a cute dream about being on a school camping trip with a ton of people (we were students) and sneaking into this guy's (not someone I know) room so that we could pray night prayer together. Apparently, neither of us knew that the other was interested but it seemed like we were on the brink of finding out when I woke up. I had a split view both first person and third person omniscient but then the way he had his arm around me wasn't exactly subtle either. This was definitely the most "realistic" of the dreams I've had lately in terms of what I could see myself actually doing (minus being students) had I not sworn off relationships. I wish I could want it to be reality.

I definitely do not believe this dream "means" anything. The last time I had a dream which I thought was foreshadowing turned into a big mess. First, I thought the guy was a neighbor of my parents' who I MAY have spoken 100 words to in my entire life. Second, it was a new student at my uni who I proceeded to pine over for two years. I later became friends with his girlfriend (now fiancée) and she found it hilarious that her boyfriend had been the "man of my dreams." Thirdly, I thought it was my rad-trad ex from last summer -- definitely the worst option out of the bunch.

So, I don't think my dream last night meant anything. But it didn't help that I saw someone who looked just like a "grown up" version of the guy. Sure, the guy is attractive. Yes, I noticed that he didn't have a ring (on either hand). But, NO, I am not going to try and meet him, obsess over him, etc. etc. like myself a year ago would have. My track record just isn't worth it. (And that's not even considering my "slightly older Hungarian man" record because I do not hold one disgusting person's transgressions against a country which condemns his actions just as much as the US does.)

Seriously, though, the dreams need to stop.

"Behold, I tell you [some] myster[ies]"

Thoughts from last night's performance of (about two-thirds of) Handel's Messiah in no particular order...

1. Singing "Thou Shalt Break Them" with a "clothespin on your nose" is HIGHLY inadvisable. It may result in much of the choir and orchestra turning around to attempt not to laugh and the audience to stare in bewilderment. Also, it is painful. When it comes to extreme nasality: Just say no!

2. The group has grown. It was so enormous (100 was the program count) that there were not enough chairs and a handful of the basses ended up sitting in the pastor's lounge behind the organ and slipping in to stand next to us sopranos for the choruses. I've missed singing with a good group of people but having some great basses next me was an extra treat. Especially since...

3. Thanks to some rearranging after my solo, for the last chorus and the second time we sang the Hallelujah Chorus, I was right next to Erik who was one of my best friends in high school... with our former choir director on his other side. Talk about a blast from the past. It was like being in AC Choir all over again. The only thing we needed was our friend LaKedria singing "For Unto Us A Child Is Born" with us :-D

4. (Actually from rehearsal on Monday) A fire engine drove by. And, yes, this time it really was a fire engine ;-) "Glory to God"

5. There are reasons that "The Trumpet Shall Sound" is typically played on a piccolo trumpet. While I am sure there are people who could play it fantastically on a regular B-flat, the two trumpet players we had.... could not. To put it nicely. It was a hot mess. I kind of felt bad for the soloist (my high school choir director) because it seemed to be throwing him off.

6. There were some really fantastic high school kids singing solos. In particular, "The People That Walked In Darkness" -- honestly, the kid's breath support was unreal. One almost had to wonder if he was circular breathing.

7. I've learned my lesson: always bring water out with you if you're not sure about an intermission. By the beginning of Part 2, I was getting drier than dust and it didn't help my solo ("If God Be For Us"). I managed to get through it and it could have been much worse, but it also could have been much better. Even so...

8. Here's a really shocking tidbit: If someone has an summa cum laude degree in voice performance, there is a good chance that they can sing decently. Which my former choir director might have known ahead of time had he ever come to either of my recitals in Ohio (high school senior recital or the one I gave this summer -- both of which he claimed he was coming to) and heard me sing (or, I don't know ... cast me in a musical in high school) before this. The hug and shocked approval that I got from him was amusing. I often say that all of my music teachers have gotten me to where I am today. Most of them, thanks to their support and encouragement (my hs voice teacher, all the SHU profs -- huge shout out to MH who is most directly responsible for my still pursuing music) but this man because he pushed me to succeed simply to prove him wrong. That I AM a musician and DO deserve more than just two chorus numbers in a musical my senior year of high school. [rant over :) ]

All in all it was a good evening.. so nice to be singing real rep again and with a good chorus!

I don't know if I want to laugh or cry

My thoughts... stream of consciousness as I was watching the video. This was originally written as a comment on another blog. I'd love to know what you think of the video and/or my analysis. Yep, it's my typical acerbic self :)

True - college is too expensive.

Dentist who would rather be working at McDonalds -- scary. What if everyone thought that way? Who would our doctors be? Only those with parents rich enough to put them through college debt free. How can we expect that those people would 1. want to and 2. be suitable for the job.

Building new libraries adds nothing to the quality of education at a college? That's just laughable.

If we were graduating geniuses from college would we be this unhealthy of a nation? I don't have any statistics and maybe this is partially stereotypical but the unhealthiest people (especially when it comes to obesity) tend to be found among those who do not go to college.

Since when are we in a war in Pakistan?

The man at 31:27 is recommending that people run not walk away from the idea of going to college because it won't help them when they have no money for food and no water from the municipal taps. Who is going to manage those municipal taps if not a civil engineer? And how will that civil engineer gain the knowledge to do so without a college education?

There is no value to having a college degree if everyone else has one. If this is true, then one can compete even less without one.

I do agree that it can be too easy perhaps to do well. However, this does not negate the value of the education. So much of college is what you make of it. The student who does the bare minimum to pass (or to get the 4.0) will not be nearly as successful as the one who works above and beyond that bare minimum.

The most successful college of the future will be online. Where there will be no interaction between students and teachers because it will be all automated with a professor (who was educated how?) teaching hundreds of students. Not to mention that this method would be worthless for medical, engineering, and any other hand-on field (including my own specialty which I'll mention at the end). At that point, why bother doing anything more than just reading a textbook or the information online for free?

If I had kids, I would not want them educated in a school by teachers without college degrees. I definitely do not want to have my health in the hands of doctors, nurses, dentists, therapists, etc who do not have advanced degrees!

A note about myself and where I'm coming from. I graduated a year and a half ago with a bachelor degree in music, specifically voice performance. That degree could not have been completed online. It's an impossibility. One cannot learn all of the skills needed to compete in the world of opera without advanced training with personal instruction – in real life. Actually, a bachelor degree is the bare minimum as nearly all successful opera singers need the additional training of a masters degree with continued lessons and coachings well beyond that point. You can say that I did not study something “necessary” and that it's not “practical” and that I really didn't need to study something that will provide such little assurance of employment. I beg to differ. For a number of reasons, I was not singing professionally or even on a high community level last year. Neither was I taking private voice lessons. I cannot put into words how that pained my soul. I need music. I can't say that I need it more that God, and I could survive without it if there was no possible way to pursue it but I would be hardly a shell of the person I am now. For me, my degree was for myself more than for the purpose of getting a steady full-time job. I am currently working at McDonalds, Toys R Us, and just got a job as a preschool teachers assistant. I could have started any or all of those right out of high school. But where could I have gone from there?

Open Letter To My Soon To Be Former Landlady

So, I'm getting kicked out of my house, thanks to my nutso landlady. Because she is, quite literally, crazy, I know that nothing I could say to her would break through her skull. To satisfy my need to express my feelings towards her, despite the fact that she will never see this, I am writing this letter. I'll call her Ursula, because it's a good villain name (and it's what her parents conveniently named her).

Dear Ursula,

I was very sad to see the email you addressed to me for a number of reasons. After past experiences, I am not surprised to see you make such a bizarre and over-reactive action of telling me to leave. Your handling of the situation, however, really saddens me. To say that I am not angry would be a lie, but stronger than the anger is pity.

Yes, I pity you. I cannot imagine living with such OCD/anal retentive-ness that a simple request for privacy in a room I am paying to use would result in throwing me out of your house. That must be a very difficult life. The idea of being so upset over being asked not to clean a room that you have no reason to ever be in and to let the people who are paying you for the use of the room arrange the furniture in the way most comfortable to them is unfathomable to me. If these are considered "unreasonable demands," (your wording, I believe) especially when phrased in such a respectful, diplomatic way as C. (my roommate) and I did, then I can only imagine what the reaction would be should we have actually wanted something extreme. Thankfully, we will never have to find out.

You may notice that I mentioned C. and I phrasing things together. This is because that is exactly what happened. In reading (if you actually did) our email, you should have seen that everything was "we" vs. "I," it was signed by both of us, and sent from her email address. Most people would have interpreted that the email was from both of your tenants. I am at a loss as to how we could have spelled it out more clearly. The fact that you singled me out in your response and told me that while I have until December 15th to leave, C. can stay as long as she likes was appalling. As was the fact that you sent the email, addressed to me, to her address. I think it is incredibly sad that a grown woman would stoop to such levels. We have communicated many times via email both when I was living here previously and also in the past two months. There was absolutely no reason to attempt to avoid dealing directly with me. That was nothing short of childish. The same can be said for the additional emails which you sent to C. mentioning me and your asking that I leave prior to contacting me personally. Your assurances to her that you hope she will continue living here are laughable. What incentive could she possibly have for staying now that it is painfully obvious that we have no rights as renters and are, essentially, paying you for the privilege of house-sitting for you?

In conclusion, I will be out of your house well before your deadline. Additionally, I will make sure to be gone this Thanksgiving weekend while you are here so as not to disturb you by anything "unacceptable" that my presence may entail. Finally, if I ever see you advertise this room on craigslist or anything similar (which I anticipate you will be doing soon), please be assured that I will be writing to the website and/or posting an ad of my own warning people. While I will not stoop to your level and make unintelligible statements (They are crazy, wahh, wahh, wahh) I will absolutely tell them the truth. That you do not consider the renters to have any rights, they may not arrange things in their room, you do not want them to change the temperature so that they are comfortable, and, above all, you will give them no lease so if you change your mind about them living here on a whim, they have no recourse when you evict them.

Sincerely,
Rose