Dear Subconscious: Shut Up.

It's been almost a year since my decision to swear off relationships. Most of the year has been fine. So much has happened (crap and otherwise) that a relationship would have just complicated everything. Not to mention the fact that I truly believe it's better for society if I am single. The past few weeks, my subconscious has been rebelling against me. So many strange dreams about me being with different guys in all sorts of romantic situations. Possibly the result of too much Downton Abbey, who knows. The most frustrating thing is that I know most of the guys I'm dreaming about. And, for the most part, I've either dated or wanted to date them IN THE PAST. For a variety of reasons (good, bad, and neutral), none of them are date-able and that's fine. I don't want to date them or anyone else.

I've woken up gagging over a dream to free a criminal so that I could marry him.

I've woken up bewildered after a dream in which I was married to a gay guy.

There have been plenty of others which I don't remember all the details.

Last night, I had a cute dream about being on a school camping trip with a ton of people (we were students) and sneaking into this guy's (not someone I know) room so that we could pray night prayer together. Apparently, neither of us knew that the other was interested but it seemed like we were on the brink of finding out when I woke up. I had a split view both first person and third person omniscient but then the way he had his arm around me wasn't exactly subtle either. This was definitely the most "realistic" of the dreams I've had lately in terms of what I could see myself actually doing (minus being students) had I not sworn off relationships. I wish I could want it to be reality.

I definitely do not believe this dream "means" anything. The last time I had a dream which I thought was foreshadowing turned into a big mess. First, I thought the guy was a neighbor of my parents' who I MAY have spoken 100 words to in my entire life. Second, it was a new student at my uni who I proceeded to pine over for two years. I later became friends with his girlfriend (now fiancée) and she found it hilarious that her boyfriend had been the "man of my dreams." Thirdly, I thought it was my rad-trad ex from last summer -- definitely the worst option out of the bunch.

So, I don't think my dream last night meant anything. But it didn't help that I saw someone who looked just like a "grown up" version of the guy. Sure, the guy is attractive. Yes, I noticed that he didn't have a ring (on either hand). But, NO, I am not going to try and meet him, obsess over him, etc. etc. like myself a year ago would have. My track record just isn't worth it. (And that's not even considering my "slightly older Hungarian man" record because I do not hold one disgusting person's transgressions against a country which condemns his actions just as much as the US does.)

Seriously, though, the dreams need to stop.

Strange

After hitting snooze a number of times this morning, I fell back to sleep for almost an hour (thank God that 1. I have lots of extra time built into my morning schedule and 2. I didn't have to teach this morning). I woke up in the middle of a truly bizarre dream.

My family was Quiverfull (that was scary... but I've been reading so many crazy blogs that it makes some sense). I had a bunch more siblings and we all dressed like the Duggars. This other family was visiting and had told me that one of their kids wanted voice lessons but didn't tell me which one. So I was going through all the kids trying to figure out who I was supposed to teach. The other family had told their kid that someone from my family would teach them but didn't tell them who. So we were bumbling around in a huge bedroom (apparently, all of us kids slept in one massive room -- hip hip hooray for no privacy).

Suddenly, I was in the hallway of the wardrobe house at my summer job for the past four years. I was dressing Poppea and Nerone in L'incorazione di Poppea by Monteverdi. Honestly, I know NOTHING about the show (didn't even know Nerone's name until I looked it up just now... looking a little more, it might have been Ottone), nor is Glimmerglass doing it this year, so I have no idea why it was that show. I was fixing Poppea's dress which was long, straight cut, dark navy, slinky fabric with high slits. I also had to untangle her shoes because they had some thick rope tied through them. Then, Nerone came up to me asking me why he had an ace bandage with his costume. I told him that the costume designer probably forgot that a guy was playing the role (it was written for a castrato - would normally be sung by a woman these days - he was a countertenor). Then I looked up at his costume... no idea what the designer was smoking when (s)he designed the show... he was wearing a white blouse and a bright/medium blue mini-kilt. I think that shock was what woke me up.

The Phantom of the Opera is there.. inside my dreams

Wherein Rose reflects on a strange dream and is amused by the musical her old high school is doing.

I've been dreaming a fair bit lately, maybe because I'm sick, maybe because I've had less work to think about, I don't know. Either way, there have been some strange dreams. Like last night, my dream included having a baby brother with a square head, taking some of the kindergarten kids to McDonalds, and trying to go to work only to have maintenance guys hot-wire my car (a conversion van my family had when I was in high school) so it would take me back home because I was still sick. I escaped from them and ran into the school (although I wasn't supposed to be there that day) where the head of the school was giving everyone big boxes of candy wrapped in Christmas paper even though it was March. And then, some of the other teachers started posting things on Facebook about how I wasn't supposed to be at work because I was sick. Bizarre. Although I don't put much faith in “dream interpretation” I often wonder what makes people put such random things together. I suppose some of this makes sense or relates to what I've been doing (or, rather, not doing – as in working) lately, but it's not like I was thinking about any of this before I went to bed. Who knows... guess I'll add this to the list of questions for The Big Guy someday.

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One can often find out the most interesting information on Facebook. Like the other day, I noticed that one of my sisters plans to see the SHS musical in a few weeks. They are doing The Phantom of the Opera. I laughed. Observations:

Miriam told me her drafting teacher is calling it “Phantom of the Oprah” … if things haven't changed in the drama club/thespian troupe since my time in high school this is probably a more accurate title.

That music isn't for the faint of heart. I sang the title duet my senior year as part of our thespian show cabaret. Although there are some funny memories attached with it, including the saga of my one and only high school detention, it was really pushing the limits of being safe. I worked for weeks to get the final high B flat (CORRECTION!!! it's a High E Flat... really not sure how I missed that). Finally, no more than a week before the show, I told the director and my ex-boyfriend that I thought I had it. I didn't want the rest of the cast to get excited in case I couldn't actually get the note and somehow thought that if Mr. W. and Erik were the only people actually in the choir room no one else would hear it. Anyone who has attempted to sing something that high as a high school kid knows it's basically impossible to sing it at anything other than full voice. I hit the note both then and in the show but listening to recordings, I can't help but wince. And that was only singing one song from the show... nothing close to singing the role. That music isn't high school music, not by a long shot.

I really hope the girls playing Christine and Carlotta (apparently switching back and forth on opposite nights... strange because the vocal requirements are extremely different **** correction**** there are two girls playing each, NOT two girls switching back and forth) are seniors. High school theater politics being what they are (or at least what they were back in my day) I hope they don't hurt themselves and make their parents regret “buying” the role for them. Who knows... maybe things have changed.

The “bigger is better” attitude with high school musicals doesn't always pay off. There are plenty of good musicals which are much more appropriate for that age group. I wish them well (honestly, I do, and really hope no one hurts themselves) but it's a shame they are being pushed to do the biggest thing possible. Better to do a smaller show brilliantly than to muddle through something more “impressive.”

My heart goes out to the student head of costumes. Although I can pray the “curse of the costume crew head” has been broken (which extended both before and after my time in that position), I kind of doubt it – unless she (or he, I suppose) is only interested in tech.

Two things I wonder... do the guys still use “Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan as a pre-show warmup? And.. will the costume crew head make a “Who's going commando sign” like I did a couple of times or have the boys actually learned not to leave underwear in the dressing room?

Can't wait to hear all about it from my sister, that's for sure!