While dealing with my typical "I must find something to eat" problem this evening, I decided the easiest thing would be to stop somewhere near my house after Mass. I was a little worried because all I had was a 10,000ft note (about the equivalent of a $50) and knew I wouldn't be spending very much on dinner. The first place I tried was a chinese bufe (cafeteria style restaurant... they are everywhere) near my apartment. My family may remember it from the first time we were here. We got dinner there and while we were eating they played various versions of "that song" from "that movie." The song that makes me twitch. As I was walking to the restaurant, I remembered that experience and thought about how long it had been since the first time we were here. Before ordering I asked if it was a problem that I only had the 10,000. The girl behind the counter said that it was so I apologized and left. After walking a couple more blocks, I stopped at another Chinese bufe. This one was a little more "upscale" (it's closer to my house so more touristy) and they said my money wasn't a problem. I ordered some food and sat down to wait (this place had cafeteria items but also made to order - I figured I shouldn't get the cheapest thing since I just had the large bill). I was sitting, innocently reading my book, when the music, which I had basically been ignoring, shifted to something terrifyingly familiar. Yes, after going to a different Chinese restaurant 9 years later, I was, once again subjected to "that song." I quite literally started twitching. Thankfully, it 1. wasn't the original but a jazz sax solo and 2. it only played once. That was plenty more than enough. In the middle of this aural assault, my food came and once I started eating it finally ended. I figure everyone is allowed to have an irrational fear and at least this isn't something I have to deal with on a regular basis.
On a quite different note, please pray for me. This eating problem isn't getting any better and I'm starting to think that I'm becoming anorexic. Not intentionally (is it ever though?) meaning, not because I think I need to lose weight, but between my meds and just not thinking enough about planning food into my day it seems to be getting worse. This is very worrying because 1. it's not healthy, 2. I really can't afford to lose more weight, and 3. changing my meds isn't a feasible option right now (if that's what's causing the problem). My paperwork is coming along and I should be getting my insurance card in the next few days (socialized medicine... joy) but I really don't want to go to the doctor's right away to try to fix my brain. Somehow, I can see it becoming a big mess -- not that I know more than the doctor would, but I know which things haven't worked in the past. Who knows, if this doesn't resolve itself/I can't figure out how to get more food into my life, I'll have to do something about it.
(Back story for those who don't know - I've been on antidepressants for years and although the ones I'm taking now are helping mentally, they've really hurt my appetite. Plus, I've been living on my own for a little more than a year and have had such crazy schedules that I often forget to eat. The combination of these two things resulted in my losing a bunch of weight over the past year and a half. My doctor advised that I make sure to eat enough. Now, I realize that I'm not eating enough, but am still struggling to fix that.)
The past few days have just been generally rough. There were a bunch of problems in school on Tuesday, some that I have to take the full blame for but others that I've literally no control over. Today was better but still stressful. Although I know I'll make it through, my respect for people who actually choose to work with middle school has grown exponentially in the past few weeks.
That's about it... drop me a line or a comment if you like - I'd love to know who is actually reading this :-)